ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
