wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
