What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Randomize