The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
