My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
