you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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