I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
