im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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