Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
