you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
