Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
