My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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