Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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