barbara walters just said penis...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
