but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize