btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
