i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
