Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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