I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
