it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize