its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
