He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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