dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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