walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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