did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
