Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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