You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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