i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
