There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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