There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
