Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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