Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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