i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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