no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize