woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
