he thought i was a dude.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
