I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we're making bets on your personal life
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
