The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
