I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
3pm strippers are depressing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
