Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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