Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I want a musical about memes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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