I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
