Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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