I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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