Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
