As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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