i think my tv is drunk
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
