So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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