Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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