ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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