I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
