He uses pillows to masturbate.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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