Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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