It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
