There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
