Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize