God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
