Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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