Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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