Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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