you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
