Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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