when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
