Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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