if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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