you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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