Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
