barbara walters just said penis...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
