They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And then he peed in my hair
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