i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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