you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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