I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
