So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
