You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
