i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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