How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
