i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was CRYING into my vagina
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
