the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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