dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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