Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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