the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need water and some morals
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
