you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
