The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
