someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
