don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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