I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
