Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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