New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize