YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
