The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How external is "for external use only"?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
