I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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