Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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