Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
