Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
